“Hellbound” Man Enjoys Free Church Offers

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Uncategorized


Ruai Nairobi — Mbuku, 36, a self-described agnostic and says he is “hellbound” has attended more church events in the past year than most longtime believers. His reason: He loves the freebies churches give out to unsaved people.

Mbuku has attends monthly bolling games by The Saints Evangelistic Ministry and even won a Ksh 5000 prize. Every Sunday he goes to a new church and when and visits the visitors desk were cookies and juice are served.

Last month he attended Harvesters of Truth Church retreat in Naivasha , his transport, meals and accommodation were catered for, totaling 65,000Ksh

“I was excited, and the hotel spa was fabulous!” Mbuku said in a telephone interview

In spite of heavy exposure to the Christian message, Mbuku remains totally immune to evangelism efforts. When people try to convert him, or at least get him to consider the claims of Christ, he just shrugs and smiles.

“For some reason it has no effect on me,” he says. “I really am in it just for the chips and soda.”

Some churches have gotten wise to Mbukus ways, but none turn him away.
“Anytime you give something away, you just factor in that Mbuku will be there,” says one assistant pastor.

Mbuku even rates the churches on their efforts to “save” him.

Fountain of Life has a pretty good pitch,” he says, referring to an independent charismatic church along Mombasa Road “Methodists don’t really say much about God. The Baptists backed me into a corner and argued with me, so I quit going there. The Unitarians were lame. The Wakorino place was flat-out freaky.”

Mbuku cut the interview short to “hit the ICC church’s newcomers dinner” — his fifth this year. •

NOTE:This Is a Christian Satirical Post Events Are Fictional

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Comments
  1. hehe thats the news!

  2. SHURAH The OGIEK says:

    How Could I Have Missed This One ??? Hehehe !! Mbuku Is Literally A ‘Mbuku’ [Hare] ;-] Btw. U Should One Abt. ‘Already Saved’ Christians Who Hop From One Church 2 The Other [esp. The Newly Opened Ones] Jus 4 The Openin Bashes / Openin Events [Read : Excursions / Hikes / Dinners…….More Bashes & Even More Bashes ] And Immediately The Munching Fades Away….Boooooom They Vanish Into The Air……[@_@]

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