Nonini Heals Hundreads

Posted: June 16, 2011 in Uncategorized


Nairobi — Jane, 43, University of Nairobi Physics lecturer who has been confined to a wheelchair for much of her adult life, came to hear Genge artist Nonini speak at the University of Nairobi about Albino condition in national Albinism Day and afterward she found herself in a wheelchair access breezeway as Nonini and his entourage exited the Taifa hall. The Artist spotted her, came over, grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She found herself standing for the first time in eleven years.

“He smiled at me and said, ‘Uskonde mami,’” she says. “I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do.”

Fatu a leading Kenyan blogger has been having weird dreams of ghosts chasing her asking for water after watching Rango, went to Noninis home at night requested just to touch his pants and guess what? Nightmares stopped.

Jane and Fatu are among many people who claimed being healed by the Artist. We don’t talk about it a lot, but yeah, it does happen, “says one bodyguard who says he has seen multiple people healed. “We don’t know exactly how or why it’s happening, and Nonini won’t talk about it. He usually insists that people keep it quiet and just report it to their pastor or priest.”

Greeting fans after a performance in Eldoret , Nonini stepped into the dense crowd and spontaneously began touching people: a legally blind woman, a man deaf in one ear, a cancer sufferer and a lame man.

“Muskonde watu wangu!” Nonini said as he laid hands on afflicted bodies.

The people’s reactions were so joyous as to be almost frightening. They jumped and shouted and wept. Before they could thank or embrace the Artist, he was well down healing others.

His close associates who refer to him as “Agent N” and believe he is Gods secret agent, acknowledge that the phenomenon is occurring with greater frequency.

“His power goes beyond simple inspiration,” says friend. “There is something developing here that I’m not sure any of us fully understands.”

They say Nonini has told them privately that his time has not yet come, so it would be inappropriate to talk about the healings right now. He says he will wait until the appointed time to speak publicly about the “special calling” he believes he has to lead the youths and prepare for the second coming.

They do expect him to talk about “the providential nature of what is happening on the shows” in an upcoming address, mostly because word is getting around.

People have begun bringing relatives by the score to shows in hopes of a healing touch.

A leaked email gave details of a conference call between Jesus, Vatican, Whitehouse and Kenyan leading churches that concluded every church to give two of its prayer warriors to be standing in the gap for Nonini.

His close friends suspecting he might ask them the million Dolla question “whom do people say I am?” voted several prophets like, “one of the two witness in revelation”, Samson, Enock…. Kamangu received only one vote.

“It’s people wanting to get better, and wanting their friends and relatives to get better. It’s the belief that there’s something more here.” • Hagelin Kiprop Ronoh who is one of the “secret” intercessors said in a telephone interview.

NOTE: This is a Christian satirical post, events are all fictional.

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Comments
  1. gitts says:

    best laugh all week

  2. Njiru says:

    Ths is sick!

  3. Av read this thing for the fourth time,unbelievably hilarious!

  4. faith nancy says:

    yeah n the moon is made outta cheese! jus as cheesy as this story is!

  5. Hehehehe… “secret” intercessors… hahaha

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