Archive for June 6, 2011

Pastor Turns Church To Uji Kienyeji Classic Joint.

Posted: June 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

Nairobi, Westlands— Westlands Metro Church, which used its Uji kienyeji joint to attract visitors to its Mega church in the Westland area, has decided to abandon ministry altogether to focus on Uji Kienyeji and snacks.

“People liked the Uji a lot better than the ministry, according to congregational surveys, so we’re practicing what we preached and focusing on our strengths,” says former teaching pastor and now chief marketing officer, Douglas Barasa

“The sermons were okay, but the Uji is a killer,” says one woman who regularly attended the church for two years so she could enjoy the special brews. “I even brought my neighbors and they loved them” Many in the congregation seem downright relieved.

The staff of Westands Metro Church began noticing last year that more money was coming in through the Uji than in the offering.

“People complimented us about the Kienyeji Uji but didn’t really mention the preaching” says Barasa. “After feeling disappointed, we got realistic about it and realized God was telling us where to put our efforts. Now crowds are up and many former members are flourishing”

“Who knew I was so gifted at making Uji?” says the former head usher Wanjau

The church’s small groups have been turned into neighborhood reading clubs, with some reading Christian titles and others following the program mapishi on local TV station for recommendations.

People in the surrounding neighborhoods say they are far more likely to stop by now. One man who came occasionally says he feels less guilty standing around the Uji counter now that there is no service taking place.”Before, we had to sit through the service and pay our dues,” he says. “Now we go right to the good stuff — two calabash full”

The staff also feels liberated now that the pressure of ministry is off.

“The best way to be relevant is to give people what they want,” says Barasa. “In our case, that’s porridge drink.” •

NOTE:This is a Christian satirical post, names used are real persons but events are fictional.