Why Kenyan Christian Should Drink Tusker

Posted: August 6, 2010 in Uncategorized


I was chillaxing with one member of our church, name withheld, a beer-loving I.T guru working for a firm in Westlands Nairobi and “part-time Christian,” who tells me that he finally agreed to read Proverbs 31 with girlfriend Rehanna and feels glad he did.

“I’m a Proverbs 31 boyfriend and a husband to be all right,” he said, then quotes Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.”

“That’s my permission to crack open a cold one for the road,” he said having one while we hanged out at Choma Zone watching referendum votes being tallied on Citizen TV.

But his Chic Rehanna, a newly appointed Choir cordinator at our church is pushing him hard to stop drinking. She insists he is neither “perishing” nor “in anguish.” But he researched the Bible on the Internet and found 2 Corinthians 4:16 and 5:2 which say, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day,” and “Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling.”

“Everyone is perishing and in anguish, especially here in Kenya with greedy MPigs adding themselves hefty pay, KRA on our backs and all shit happening around, stuff ’bout Onyancha sijui nini nini nini!” he says. “Until we’re delivered from these bodies, the Bible says to drink up.”

That’s when I got this ingenious idea that Christians should create a “Proverb 31” category in their monthly budget and under it list Tusker in brackets.

I want to start a proverb 31 Men’s Group fellowship thingie on Facebook and Twitter and see how we gonna roll, am thinking we search extensively in the bible to see weather we shall see names like Amario and birds flying stuff …many things in that book are in parables, you never know what secret lies un discovered right there!

“Dont get me started on Jesus passion for kanywaji when he turned water into wine …first miracle my guy..I tell you” He said

NOTE: This is a Christian satirical post, names and events are all fictional. 😀

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Comments
  1. Kiruga says:

    Hehehe,nw thts quite a defence!

  2. kairetu says:

    proverbs 31:4 say “it is not fit for kings to drink, nor princes to take strong drink ….” now unless you have branded yourself as a common mwananchi type of man…then go ahead and drink, but as a king(born again Christian inheriting the kingdom of God) it is not fit for you to drink…to drink or not is not the question, what kind of man you are (king or mwananchi) is the question….

  3. Kairetu sasa ? always read the whole post before concluding :D..its a satirical post..its like a joke in other words
    thanks for passing by

  4. kairetu says:

    yes i read the whole post, those were just my two cents…a by the way of sorts.

  5. thank you @Kairetu… 😀

  6. mhenga says:

    Am yet to see anywhere where Jesus condemns alcohol. As a matter of fact, his actions speak louder than words…from 1st miracle to the last supper, wine was used…hint hint!!

  7. lol! couldnt agree more….thanks for passing by @Mhenga

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