Archive for May, 2010

What Happened After She Dumped Me

Posted: May 26, 2010 in Uncategorized


The first chic to dump my sorry-self lets call her girl E, was among the hortical girls in the village, yeah right, the one you hate for making you look worse than were created.

I gave my whole heart, was willing to trade my soul for her, I did many schupit things to please her, writing million poetic letters of how I just wanted her heart and will never borrow her till we walk down isle, telling her lies ’bout how I will be a doctor, build a house by the hill, a car, make two kids and live happily there after, lies, total lies ati how other boys are bad, their only goal is borrow her and make her tummy big, dreaming of her always, saving to buy that sweet cologne just for her, not using my sweet expensive lotion till she closes school, less I finish it, waiting eagerly just to see her after 3 months in boarding school, which seemed like eternity, forging friendships with her brother and family just to be with her, I started to go to Catholic church because of her (at this point Samuel Kamau Margaret don’t laugh btw rem amazing mission at Missions Hospital in North Kinagop ).

Waking everyday at 6am in the morning to meet their farm boy who takes milk to the dairy just to ask him how she is, hand over some fake love notes, and ask weather she mentions my name bla bla, getting the little monies I stole from mums to buy her earrings, carrying a dagger sometimes time to fight some lame vibed boys who tried to play bad ass with us ( Steve G Stingo you remember this point when Mucheru bought changaa to kina Patrick, Ritchie and Mathenge to beat shit out of us ?I miss some people daimn!?).

The few letters she wrote back I read daily before I slept, her photo was always on my table, before I sleep I glance…sweet world….. her face brought eternal bliss..big times…I loved that chic like nonsense, for three years I was running after her, then one morning she told me ‘am tired of being loved by you’ daimn! Though I saw it coming, I was devastated, it was hard really hard but as they say time heals all wounds, it did. After many years like 6 years I met her severally here in Nairobi and as we sat for cup of coffee I couldn’t believe we both had different lives thanks to God everyone’s doing great.

That was I think first love kind of schupit

The other was eerr… she is somebarys half so lets not mention names , unlike E this chic loved me totally from bottom of her heart! For the first time I felt loved and appreciated, she used to hold her skirt run for me on seeing me, ‘Lawrence I love you from head to toe’ a phrase that boosted myself esteem like shiet, she wasn’t my league, I was a poor village kid next door, couldn’t understand how she could love me, I remember this day she invite me to her home, she took me to rooms showed me her bedroom wa! Big , clean , million pair of shoes, had never seen such only on movies, I grew up knowing even the one pair of shoe you have is only to wear on Sundays, Christmas and Easter holiday when mum cooked chapos, otherwise it will wear out, and mum has only enough monies for food and school fees, period! God bless that lady mum, she struggled to bring us up, I really love her dearly mmhhh really love her deeply…lets go back to my schupit tales…..

Back in the village those days, having dame amechanuka or educated chic on a mini skirt, tumbo-cut earned you the title ‘king’ and you become a big shit right there, the first chic to show to my mum…..life was blisss…..but fortunately of unfortunately after some time we grew distance and we decided lets move on, just for the records we dint dump each other.

When we met after like 3 years, what we shared was a faint memory, but again we had all moved on and each had separate life.

Others haven’t been dumpings really, but infamous turned down proposals, just like you, I have been told stuff like ‘lets just be friends’, ‘you are like a brother to me’, ‘you are too young for me’ while ‘others go silent’ which are soft ways of saying ‘I am just not into you’

I know I know I know it has not always been that baaaaaaad for you, right? Have experienced some showing schupid ‘I want you back’, ‘I was wrong’, ‘I was playing hard to get’, ‘I was going through a rough time’, ‘I was confused’ ‘I was immature and all..’ which I consider is saying ‘I dint see anything in you then’ kind of message…….

WHAT I DID AFTER (crying)

We all agree there is nothing as painful as breakup! Its very painful, and the worst is, there is no pain killer, no foolish medicine at the chemist, some of my friends I know drunk themselves silly, get chipsfunga [one nigh stands], smoke weed bla bla, change Churches, stop serving in Church ministry, cut ties with God and never to return to Church, others decide they will never fall in love again, all those thoughts including suicide pass through our heads at that time.

Enyewe I couldn’t do all those, what I did when young, is get down with my boys we discuss the flaws of that chic and how she was a mistake to me, and also I would get a new chic mostly one of her friends just to play jealousy and pretend am happy, it seemed to work, other was like writing some fake hate mails full of F words just to make her cry, but still pain was there.

But after seeing the light[thank you Jesus] the best way I do now is go out on an off day [I like Arboretum] its my balmyard, reflect on my life, pray over it, cry all other heart aches, yell, scream at God, blame Him, blame myself , blame the lady, blame ‘Gods voice’ decide I will never pray for a relationship again and all,

God always wins at the end of all and later I feel better and remind myself its not the first time and He that let it happen knows I can handle it, its a lesson not to be lost with the girl and I reflect on

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

Rom 8:28 We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.

Jah makes the rain fall and grass grows again!

WHAT I RECOMMEND

1 It’s normal
You are not the first soul to get dumped, no matter how cute, gifted, holy you are, prayer warrior, favored of God, pastor, wherever, shit will happen to anyone without favors.

So dust yourself and stop blaming yourself or anyone, for heavens sake grow up! And keep God out of this, saying God had confirmed this and that, crap…. did you meet Him in person? You just listened to your mischievous heart after that fasting with the said girl.

2 It’s not the end bana
We always say, me included, ‘its over with me, I will never find love again’ who said so? Just coz that’s how you are feeling doesn’t mean that’s how it will be, this is nonsense of course, and grief distorts our thinking.

Please do try, despite all the pain to keep some logic in the situation, say something like: ‘I feel terrible and I am utterly crushed that I’ve been dumped.’ But don’t be a foo to add: ‘And no one else will ever love me and I am bound to be lonely for ever.’ You foo, if you do, you’re actually just overloading your brain with misery, and it’s got enough to cope with already.

3 Accept the fact she/he is gone…… forever!
Now this is hard for even me, crap! I hate a small voice telling me “its just the ups and down she will come back little buddy, in fact most precious things in life come with struggle, like Joseph it’s a test to you” on relationship? Now this is the biggest crap you need not buy..even as I write I feel that girl we broke up will comeback changed..i hate this !NKT

Please stop acting desperate! stop sending sms, stop making calls, ask me that I will tell you, been there done that, acted life foo ..even I have no words, delete the number but unfortunately other pipos like me have the number stored inside brains, you’ve memorized it, stop updating on twitter on facebook how desperado you are, even though you really are! it makes you look desperado and silly, you will feel bad about yourself and make the other person even hate you more.

Sit alone and focus on the persons worse behaviors eg when she/he yelled at that pregnant workmate, or when she/she stole from boss, or when she/he got drunk in that party, and acted like a foo, just think of something that will make you feel; ‘after all its just another human’

4 Share with friends and kindly get a life!
Its important even if you are in a bliss relationship don’t keep your close friends far[like most chics so] they come in handy, go out with friends and le me tell you, most friends like hearing and consoling you when your poor ass has been dumped, than when you got engaged to Mr or Miss world, talk to them and you will feel better, talk as much as possible until you get bored with the blady subject, now this is easy with chics than men, but talk it out. You never know one of your friends might hook you to his/her cousin coming to town and get yourself a wife.

Do exercise, go for a movie, join gym, and please ladies for you personal gods’ sake stop eating all types of junkie at this time, saying it’s a way to ‘eradicate stress’ and not taking care of your self, you look silly! Please do something else schupit, cry in the bathroom for hours, close your room for days, deleted any thing that remind you of that foo, get out of facebook for a while, no don’t! facebook helps, just block that foo, getting out will separate you from your girlfriends that you really need now,

All in all please do something to save your sorryself, if you are like me and have a hand of writing, write a song or a poem about it, and please don’t talk trash about somebody, don’t! you will be sued and find your self in Nairobi law courts , or HR, write it well and smart, post it, people will comment and you realize there are more of your kind, you will feel better.

Spoil yourself; get some other useless, fun drama in your life asap!!if there is any bashment around, attend, the small dues your dear boss gave you, don’t drink it, buy a new clad or shoe, nice cologne, new hairstyle and you will find that more admires on the rise and even those die hard prying vultures who have been waiting for eternity you get dumped to have a milkshake date or movie wit you. Don’t sit there feeling sorry, get a life!

When they finally drags their pants back

Please be advised its against the commandments since the great turtle ascended from the sea, don’t accept them, be wary, they are desperate and might have mashed up their lives. Please don’t kiss or have sex!!! Its easy to lungula with your ex, please don’t, you deserve better, and you will have backslide if you did.

You never know, she might be grooving with cop who will get the roomer from girlfriend of that workmate you hang with watching football at the joint, the cop comes for you, beats the living crap out of you, shoots you and plants a gun on you, to claim self defense! As my friend blogger puts it.

Bottom line heart breaks should be avoided at all costs dont be in a hurry to say ‘I love you’ because most leave permanent marks in our lives and instead of ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ it turns to ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger

I wish you all cool running! God bless!

Merlin TV series [last episode as we wait for season 3]

Posted: May 19, 2010 in Uncategorized


Merlin is off the chains! for those of us who love medieval movies like Legend of the seeker, Hamlet, Troy, Knight of the blood steel, Alexander, 300, Spartacus, Gladiator, Apocalypto, Eragon, Legend of Earthsea, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia and the awesome list is endless, you will definitely love Merlin.

On the last Episode of season2 young warlock Marlin meets his dad Balinor who happens to be a Dragonlord, they had gone seeking for help after the Dragon went loose and attacked Camelot, unfortunately the dad dies while protecting young Warlock from attackers, but the best part is; young Warlock realizes he has the gift of a Dragonlord handed down from his father and when they return to Camelot he saves the kingdom from the schupit Dragon gone loose, Gwen becoming more beautiful each day she makes me stick to the bloody screen, King Pendragon is more ruthless, what is wrong with this shallow minded King! He doesn’t heed to anybodies advice, no matter how many times they remove him outa big shit, he doesn’t get it. Prince Arthur’s feelings for Gwen ha ha ha, I like her look and facial expressions very warm she could have been given more bigger role in the series, hope this happens in third season, lady Morgana is becoming more of a traitor each day and tried to join the dark side and fight King Pendragon, Gaius[gayas] Camelot’s court physician and some sort of Alchemist or wherever still helping young Warlock, he is his uncle and knows his secrets, he is the one who told young Warlock that his dad is Balinor, the only remaining Dragonlord, the schupit Dragon after being released from the dungeon betrayed young Warlock by attacking Camelot, thoough I give him credit for assisting young Warlock all through the first two season, I must admit as far as I admire Druid boy’s secrecy an mystery I don’t trust him a bloody inch and he better stay way from Merlin, Gwen and prince Arthur, if he want to take lady Morgana with him am cool with that.
The last words of the Great Dragon was “..i know we will cross paths again young Warlock..” as we wait in anticipation for the third season


By Nafthali Thaithi

Simple, single and humble is a 39 year old Gurmit Thethy who is a Rally Driver in Kenya. The most surprising, challenging and encouraging thing about him is his enthusiasm. He has participated and still does motor sports in a standard car. He has proven beyond doubts that nothing is impossible until proven so by converting a normal car into a Rally car. Meet this well known character as we take him through an interview

1. When did you join motor sports and how long have you been participating?

I have been in motor Sports for three and a half years; I joined in the year 2006.

2. Do you have a sponsor?

I have no sponsor; actually I use my own savings. I am looking forward to one. Believe me when I say Rallying is expensive when you are funding it alone with no sponsor in the picture. Talk of fuel, a rally car uses aviation fuel (jet fuel) which is lighter and burns so fast compared to the normal fuel. Do you know that we buy a liter at 200/=, in short a drum is likely to cost you 40,000/=. Replacing a tire costs you between 20,000/= to 15,000/=.

3. Do you belong to any group and if so who are they and what roles do they play?

Yes. My group is called Thethy Motorsports which includes a total of six team members. My father Harcharan Singh Thethy who is the Team Manager, he directs and manages the team in terms of what need to be done, Uncle Amarjit Singh Thethy who is a Technical and Mechanical Manager. He helps when it comes to servicing of the car. My brother Inderjit Singh Thethy who was my former navigator and currently is the service manager who takes care of the services needed when rallying is taking place. My Current Navigator is Depinder Kalsi, he is my co-driver in the races. Finally my Service Crew members include; Malonza, Naftali and Mwendwa who are mechanics, I have them with me all the time whenever we are rallying, testing or just practicing.

4. What made you choose motor sports?

I have been a fan of motor sports ever since. Am actually fascinated with cars.

5. Is it a hobby, passion or your career choice?

Rallying is both a hobby and a passion.

6. Is there any point in time you had second thoughts on the sports?

No. I have never had any. I am hoping for a sponsor, may be when none comes along, then that’s when I would have second thoughts about rallying.

7. How often do you participate?

A normal calendar has eight rounds but I participate at least in four rounds every year given that I am my own sponsor. Mostly I avoid those sports that are not Nairobi based because of the expenses one has to meet. This includes having to travel with all
the team members, for instance if the rallying is taking place at the coastal province. The traveling expenses, accommodation not mentioning the expenses that await you during the real rallying event that is quite an expense.

8. What has been your happiest moment so far?

My happiest moment was when I managed to achieve the fifth position in 2008 in a standard car (normal) which we had actually converted from a road version to a rally car. What made me happy is the fact that with all the power and control a real rally car
has, leave alone its high technical standards, we still finished in 5th position with about 3 other fully work cars finishing behind us. Take in mind that a normal car runs normally, taking much time and effort for one to control. Its quite hectic and handling
it is slightly poor because it’s less powerfull.

9. What inspires you in life?

What inspires me most is positivity and simplicity. Interestingly am strongly inspired by the negative people around me, the ones who would do everything within their powers to discourage me. I love challenges because I enjoy it when I prove them otherwise hence making then know everything is doable until proven otherwise.

10. Any role model and what you admire about him or her?

My role model is my Mum, Harjeet Kaur Thethy. What I admire in her is her focus in life, the hard work she put to bring us up, advices and encouragements she has always offered and still does. The fact that she is also driven by challenges, she never forgets
that simplicity is the essence of happiness.

11. Any victories so far?

Our third position in 2008 despite lots of problems and challenges we succumbed to along the way and still got that position out of nine finishers.

12. How does an individual benefit from motorsport?

There are no benefits in motorsports unless when employed like our counterparts from well known companies abroad. Passion is all one hangs on to and one’s dying love for the game. Apart from the trophy one gets on finishing the race, nothing’s achieved. When one is sponsored, the company gets good publicity, advertisement or exposure and nothing much.

13. Can motor sports Kenya sponsor an individual if need be?

No. Kenya motorsports is just an umbrella body like Kenya football federation. They only organize and administer the rallying events and all participants’ report to them. They don’t fund any individual.

14. Any job besides rallying?

Yes, I am employed by a well known manufacturing company dealing with FMCG products (Fast moving Consumer goods).I head the sales and marketing department.

15. Challenges if any?

The biggest challenge was converting a standard car into a competition car at home, all the safety aspects involved and much more replacements that had to be done. It was not easy but we did it and we were happy at the end of it all. Part time we offer motoring advices involving vehicles, rallying as a sport and even advice upcoming motor sports champs besides sourcing of spares and more information on motor sports Kenya. Check out [b] THETHY MOTORSPORT [/b] on facebook

16. Any difficulties experienced when participating?

Main difficulty ever experience is that of having to put up with a standard engine which lacks power compared to the competitors’

17. Do you have any regrets what so ever in the choice you made?

No regrets at all.

18. What is the worst experience you’ve ever had relating to the sports?

My worst experience ever took place last year which exposed us through lots of risk when we lost our brakes and had to cover 70 km in order to reach the service park putting in mind the tough competition we were facing. We had to cover 23 Km depending on water in the brake system. Despite all that occured we finished in 7th position. Death is the last thing that crosses our minds whenever we compete because all our fears and worries are camouflaged in our passion for the game.

19. Any other interests besides rallying?

Besides rallying, I am a big football and cricket fun. I also like music and love socializing as well. This life is too short. Make the most out of it. Avoid whatever makes you sad. Smile or better still laugh all the time cause it makes you younger each day.I strongly belive if you can put a smile on someone’s face, then you have made justice to a day well spent.

20. Who is following in your footsteps (any family member)?

Funnily enough, it’s my young nephew who is only one and a half years old. Gurveer Thethy to be precise. The steering of the car is his best place any time he wakes from sleep and of course his daily imitations of the sound of my rally car.

21. What lessons have you learnt about the game?

The game is interesting, needs lots of hard work, determination, focus and concentration.

22. Who would you wish to thank in all these?

First of all lots of thanks to God Almighty for his wonderful guidance all through, then to my family, team members, growing funs not forgetting our well wishers.

23. What’s your favorite car model?

VW S2000Polo. It’s my dream machine. Its make, performance and everything about it fascinates me.

24. Any dreams and ambitions?

My dream is to be a champion some day and my ambition is to reach out to guide and assist the upcoming rally champs.

25. Are you retiring any time soon or it’s a life time career?

When a sponsor comes along, I have no reasons to back off.

26. Most admired Rally champion internationally?

Mikko Hirvonen.

27. Any words of encouragements to the upcoming rally champs and your fans out there?

To the upcoming rally champs; have fun, enjoy the sport, and encourage others. To my fans out there; I love you all, hope to continue getting support from you and bring more fans to keep us going.

Observations

Motor sport Kenya has grown lots of interest lately and we should keep that spirit burning. The organizers should encourage more people aboard by doing what is right all the time. The government’s plan to restore World Rallying Championship again is a good idea but I think it would take quite some time.

Gender

Lots of women are showing interest in the game and they should be given more support and encouragement. I am more than willing to give a helping hand and share my knowledge of the sport. The sport is tough, no doubts about that, but when everything is well executed, things are smooth, believe me.


Advice

Our country can really grow if something was to be done and fast. Sports makes a country earn lots of revenue; take for example the days when WRC was still in Kenya. Tourism sector, accommodations,
culture not mentioning taxes, will boost this countries development if all was to be well planned. Take a good look at South Africa; they have a company which majors in motor sports, many companies in that country advertise and gain publicity through rallying. Let’s not even mention the countries abroad employing rally drivers and paying them. For once, let’s have some change around and have something to be proud of.

If I were the Sports Minister, I would put lots of effort by paying close attention to different heads involved in various sports activities, pinpoint the weak existing areas and iron them out. I would give full support to the private sectors in the country that are willing to bring developments in sports. Our country would be in a better position to assist the neighboring countries with revenues collected in sports alone. Believe me, this country has got lots of enthusiasts but they don’B

Man discovers his sexual vice is unique

Posted: May 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

Nairobi— Mlinzi made the mistake of admitting a very personal failing to his men’s breakfast group that meets Wednesday mornings.

To his dismay, his admission was met with stony silence. It soon became clear that none of the other men could identify with him because not one has struggled with any type of sexual vice.

“I was counting on the other guys having secret sins, too!,”
Mlinzi said later outside their team leader’s house in Tersia Estate Embakasi.

“I thought that’s what this men’s group was about. The group has felt a little pretentious and I wanted to break it open with some gut-level honesty. Now I feel uniquely screwed up.”

After making his admission, Mlinzi says the men stared at him for a moment. Then the leader Bokoni cleared his throat and said, “Let’s read this week’s Bible verse,” and the moment passed, however #awkwardly.

“I’m thinking of transferring to a group where the men are more on my sin level,” Mlinzi says. “I can’t show my face in there again, that’s for sure.” •

We tried to call the leader of the group on his phone to tell us what big sin it was, but he hanged up on us.

Word has it that Mlinzi is now attending another one that meets in Runda on Saturday afternoons.

NOTE: This is a Christian satirical post. The names used and events are all fictional.