I hope to have sex before rupture

Posted: March 25, 2010 in Uncategorized
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If you dont have a sense of humour dont even try to read this post ..slide on.

I really doubt I know much about you, but I started experimenting and believing in God when I was pretty young and few days ago I made a flash back to my life as a child, and was shocked on how chupit I was to think I had urgent and most touching prayers to ever hit heavenly realm and save mankind ,namely;

BED WETTING prayer– I did it many times though, even at age 10 and the prayer was answered, thank Him I don’t sussu no more, but unfortunately I screwed hope of getting a girl from that forsaken class.

Make mum filthy rich prayer
– I was sick and fed up of poverty, I hated having to work my ass off at our farm in Mau Narok, I HATED GOING TO FARM WHEN ITS RAINY AND SEE WET HUMAN OR DOG POO, going to fetch water long distance, having to wait till Dec for mama to buy me sandak shoes and ‘Tokyo’ or ‘Freezer’ trouser and when am lucky ‘mariboko’ Reebok shoes, I hated Ugali, viazi and githeri tested evil, bread and butter was only on the first week of the month, this prayer was partly answered by God making me realize that its not about money and I can say mum has made a milestone, though shit is still on, but at different better level.

Mum not to die prayer
-when going for her travel’s, I really meant it, I was always scared, what if something bad happens to her? no school for me no good life etc, devil is a lair, him likes instilling fear in our little lives, right? But God works in mysterious ways.

Give her to me and I won’t touch her prayer– till i make her a wyfi, Yes she came, she left, others came, more went, promise broken, was happy ,was heart broken, am yet to figure out what hell goes on in that department.

Stupid school bully prayer-I prayed not to be see or beaten by them bullies, being naughty kid, during the week I used to abuse big boys and hide under mums [teacher] protection, but come on Friday! Wa! I used to be beaten like a worthless snake by other boys, that particular prayer was never considered, God decided He won’t be partner with me in crime.

Not to be in noise maker’s list prayer– that was miserably failed prayer, no one answered me, in fact everyday I received thousand lashes from hungry angry teachers coz I appeared in noise makers list EVERYDAY, and those guyz called school prefects!? Are heartless and mean, where did they come from? Imagine under my name in the noisemakers list they multiplied by 5, meaning I was 5 times noisemaker in class, most times I appeared in two lists one for class prefect, and the other for class monitor. It largely contributed to my attempted suicide and many years after leaving that school if i hear any bell ring i get a cold shudder in my heart, am dead serious life was hell then, its one thing being a noisemaker, its another thing being a combination of noisemaker, a airhead who gets nothing in class, always caught in all bad places including faking sickness to get sick off and being caught drawing two teachers a male and female naked, my cousin Peva tells me back then [we dint use to talk] everyday other girls from her class would tell her ‘leo ule kijana wenu atapigwa!‘ [ today your cousin will be beaten] each day.The school was Kimalel one of the best schools in Baringo, i was there only two years and i had to be transferred.

Help me pass this coming exams and I will get saved come January [not Dec] prayer-which he did and finally in campus He saved my poor self on a Feb, glory to Him! The most and grateful guy is me, being born again is the most awesome thing that happened to me.

It wasn’t all gray, not always whining, some shiznis was happening, I turned to a little sneaky thief, stealing farm produce and especially peas which gave nice money, from mum little farm, other niggaz in da hood one particular Karanja aka Kazee used to steal wheat and we sell in mikebes to local vendors[to this day I feel guilty of stealing from mum and wasting, I have never said sorry], the other dude I don’t remember his name, all I know is he stole from his mums shop though shit hit the fan when he started to do the same from neighboring shops and police got tipped off, that was the end of the reign of little thieves, so with the money I bought cassettes, some sorry South African songs, Chaka Demus and Plies, Lucky Dube my greatest guy [I cried when they killed him], buying many mandazis, sweets for fellow brothers in crime and more to bootlick and bribe the adored and feared bully niggaz in the hood, go to local video theaters watch movies like Rambo, Cynthia Ruthrock, No Retreat No surrender, Delta force 3, Vietnam ‘kijeshi’ wars, Bruce Lee, Drunken master, Brandon Lee, buying cards for chicks in boarding school, had my first club experience and was just amazed by the spinning multicolored disco lights! Not even songs or anything, the lights! and buying precious spray Brut and Cobra, of which if you touched ?I bite your finger of god ..sorry, bite your finger off, like I did on closing day when one bully called Gatere [If Gatere you read this am sorry] tried to spray his sweater non stop for like 2 minutes, couldn’t stand to hear the pshhhhhhhhh and watch my ‘precious’ ‘preci……ous’ shit that I bought with my hard earned cash, go down.

Finally there was one prayer [I know every dude had it when young] that I was passionate about and almost could feel heaven nodding when praying and I promised god ‘heavens’ if he answers, I could stay long hours in the rainy night inside warm blankets rain drops making lovely noise as I ponder and reflect about it, its funny one, don’t laughs at me, the prayer was ;

dear LORD help me to get marred before world ends, prayer -I even saw a visualized my prayer making headlines in the local newspapers;

THUO HOPES TO HAVE SEX BEFORE RUPTURE

Nairobi — After a youth pastor at The Bosks Ministries in Zimmaman preached a powerful message on rupture and the second coming of Jesus, Petro Thuo of Jidtahidi High School was plunged into anxiety that one day the trumpet will sound and he’ll be caught up to meet the Lord in the air without ever having enjoyed what he has dreamt for years, his first sexual encounter with his wife on their wedding night.
“I’ve been really praying that the Lord would delay His return until I can have sex,” Thuo says, sitting on the edge of his bed, hands clasped nervously. So great is his concern that he has considered marrying a near-stranger through AGs office in Nairobi, shagging, then having the marriage nullified, but his conscience disallows it. Still, he can’t shake the fear of missing what he regards as “probably the highest form of earthly pleasure.”

His parents are warning the eager teen not to rush into anything.”I told him to hold his horses,” Mr Omondi a father who has raised him in strict Christian upbringing says. “Any married person knows sex isn’t anything to build your life around, especially when compared to the second coming.” •

Call them funny and self centered, whining or whatever, but they were the best prayers a sincere kid could afford.

please don’t read !! Roman 8:13 when we don’t know how to pray the spirit prays for us.

What are the prayers you prayed and how did it go!? I don’t mean warrior ones in your intercessory team in Campus and church? but the chupit ones,
All in all, hope you remember where He has brought you from and give thanks even if most haven’t been answered but you have moved miles a head, right? Give thanks always, I choose this day to give thanks to the Highest Higher!

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Comments
  1. ronnie79 says:

    Hilarious, my ‘chupid’ prayers included: i’d get a sister to play with, my small brother would be turned into a girl, the world would end and Jesus would return before KCPE, the Lord would return before the results came out, We would get an accident while going to school on opening day(especially boarding school in primary) but no one would get hurt except me (i was to break an arm or a leg)…yeah those are the ones i kumbuka

  2. jesusfreak7 says:

    LOL @Ronnie, that one for having an accident when going to school o had similar mine was the school to accidentally burn hehe
    thanks for stoping by

  3. looooooool this is hilarious !! i love it !! my chupid prayer to see and hear what people will say about me at my burial !! he he..lawi nitangoja sermon yako…to be someone else especially back in the day to be white, you know the whole long beautiful blond hair he he he..to have super powers !!! etc…

  4. LOL ati to be white! lol!!! that made my day

  5. Rosa says:

    Lol, this has made my day. It has reminded me how i used to pray for a small siz to play with and i would really pester my mum about it. Also prayed to be light, n hav nywele ya mzungu. Kwanza i even suguad my face once na ile mawe ya kuosha mguu, never worry about the results. ……

  6. rebeccalee says:

    lol!

    do you write these yourself? also—you should add http://www.christianvolunteering.org to your links on the sidebar! :).

  7. LOOOOOL!!! me it was a brother am da only dude in family …
    ha ha ha ati to be light skinned hehehehe lo!

  8. yes a do @ Rebbeca LOL! okay i will definitely do dat ;-))) thanks for stopping by

  9. Warhia says:

    Haaa ati BOSKS Ministries.. am so tellin #Phace…

    Nimecheka yangu yote… Ati?? woi.. Your prayers were interestin.. mine were weirder most not further than yours hehehehe

  10. HIHIHIHI thanks Warhiyah…When R u starting blogging?

  11. @Becca, just did..I forgot soweeeee 😉

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